This month is going by too fast.  The big news for the month is that we have set a Surgery date for the gastric bypass surgery – Feb 25, 2010.  Knowing the surgery date is a blessing and a curse.  The blessing is that a change of life project that started in the summer of 2008 will be kicked into full gear in 2010 after the surgery.  The effort it takes to keep losing weight is more than I ever imagined.  I say that because up to now I have lost weight with the only goal being to lose it and hope I can keep it off.  Now after I lose it, my body will be doing all it can to keep it off.

I have been told that in the first 18 months after surgery I will 100 – 150 pounds no matter what I do.  I hope I can use that time to really change the way I eat.  The surgery will help in that effort.  There are serveral biological changes the will occur.  First and foremost my body will no longer tolerate sugar or carbonated drinks – in short I’ll be able to kick the lifelong coke cola habit. 

One of the smartest things I do to stay on track is to see the surgeon and the dietician at least once a month.  This gives me a moving target that I must stay with.  I am a people pleaser and the worst thing I could do is not please the surgeon.  Not losing or, God forbid, gaining weight would displease the surgeon. The goal is to get down to 325 or the lowest weight I can before surgery.  The 325 magic number is because surgery goes better if your body mass index is below 50 at 325 mine will be 48. 

The curse is that I keep thinking I should have this food or that food because after surgery I will no longer be able to have it.  It proves that my body does like and crave certain foods no matter what I do to control it.  It is also hard because just the word surgery takes me back to the last surgery I had in 2002 and all the problems I had.  They tell me I almost died coming out of it and I surely could have died during the rehab and the subsequent infection I fought death it each time.  This proves to me that no matter what I say about being ready to die, I seem to want to hang around for a while.

On the super positive side of life, I am in the process of writing a 50,000 (approximately 178 pages) word 1st draft book. This is part of a project by National Novel Writing Month.  It is a project that was set up many years ago by a man in California.  There are no prizes except to say I did it.  The theory is that all writers have at least one book they are always working on; I have at least three, and none are completed.  This month, if I succeed I will complete at least one book in my life.

The guidelines are that you keep writing – I don’t worry about spelling, typos, structure - just write.  I have completed just under 37,000 words as of this morning.  My goal is 40,000 by Sunday night.  I have to finish it in three weeks because of Thanksgiving. 

Time to say good bye for now and go back to writing!.

This week things are looking up.  I did in fact I lose several pounds.  Since I started this diet I have lost 61 pounds.  We have scheduled the gastric bypass surgery for February 25 in Durham Regional Hospital.  It is a relief that I have a surgery date, but it does make me a little nervous. 

The people at Duke say I’m doing really good with the weight loss, but I wonder they are just trying to keep me motivated.  I do know I have changed my eating routine drastically.  They feel that my biggest problem is my sleep.  Hopefully the VA sleep doctor will be able to do something next month.

Some of my ability to focus is taken away for two reasons.  He most important one is that I have a cousin in the hospital in a really bad condition.  They will operate on his back on Monday with hopes of taking out the infection and probably some disk. 

The other fun reason is that I am committed to try to write a book of 50,000 words during the month of November.  The effort starts Nov. 1, at 12:01 a.m.  and continues to the end of the month.  The winner, like anyone who completes the effort gets a certificate saying they have done so.

In the last couple of weeks we (my wife and I) have decided that we will not even talk to the doctor about scheduling the operation until Feb 2010.  This will allow us our holidays and annual vacation to Myrtle Beach.

One week flows into another until it is hard to remember what day it is without having to give it some thought. I have lost two pounds this week.  After all the weight loss and proper eating I have been doing I was shocked when my blood test revealed higher than usual triglycerides.  It has been coming in between 140 and 160 for years now it is at 204.  So add another prescription to the list.

The thought that goes through my head, even though I know it is an excuse, is that I am finally doing all they ask me to eating wise, and my cholesterol goes up – not down. The one thing I have second and thirds thoughts about is swimming.  Granted I am not a good exercise person, but this swine flu has me nervous about going into places where there a more people than I usually deal with each week.  

Well I have to continue to prepare for my 50,000 book writing gig next month.  I’ll be writing about my Marine Corps years.  I spend a couple of hours each day gathering information for my outline.  

I sometimes think I am in the slow-go phase now.  This is mainly because of my disability. That is the rub.  I started down this path for by-pass operation so I would not be last in line at a senior’s home or in a rehab situation.  The thought of me laying in bed with bed sores and not being able to move by myself was driving me crazy.

After 14 months the battle keeps getting harder and harder.  Mentally I have to overcome immense barriers to not eat what I like.  I also struggle to eat only when I am supposed to and to quit, or slow, down my eating after midnight. Most days I can stay away from food until 4 or 5 in the afternoon. 

The main meal is between 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. after that all bets are off.  At least we don’t keep much food around that I shouldn’t be snacking on.  But it makes no difference if I eat 3 - 5 100 cal snack packs.   

The disappointment has set in.  I am approaching the point where I tell the surgeon that I can’t lose any more weight on my own.   Even if it works out that way we have decided not have surgery until February of next year. So I guess I trod along trying to do the best I can even if I lose the battle.   

Another lapse in keeping up my dialogue with everyone.  It started in the middle of August with a computer hard drive crash and replacement, and after that it kept going downhill.  Then my weight has stabilized after losing 50 pounds.  Then my publisher asked me to do the layout for the annual Littleton-Lake Gaston Festival Magazine. This didn’t leave me much time to keep this up to date.

Things got so bad I had to start seeing my counselor again.  Her suggestion was to increase my meds.  So now almost a month later they have done that, I took a month because I had to wait for my appointment with the doctor.

The drastic weight loss has caused my sleep to be a problem again.  The sleep unit has to be adjusted for any drastic weight loss.  It seems, according to my present sleep doctor, that having too much pressure is just like having too little pressure – it doesn’t help me much.

Now they are talking about a new bi-pap unit that self adjust.  The doctor said sometimes they work for patients and sometimes they don’t. On November 17 I will find out what they will do.  They don’t seem to plan on giving me another sleep test, so I’ll have to see what happens.

Back to my weight loss, life is at a standstill.  On most days I still have 2,000 calories or less which is supposed to take weight off.  None of this is working right now. 

I had some type of stomach problem this week we think it was food poisoning.  The plus wide was for a couple of days I had great weight lose. It only lasted until I ate then it went back up to 364. 

The plus side is that I have signed up to write a 50,000 word book in November the winner gets a certificate saying you did it.  It is challenge that I hope I can complete.

I covered the yearly one mile swim across Lake Gaston weekend.  What a kick (pun intended).  It is fun to be part of an event where everyone is happy and you see three generations all together.  What is really fun is watching the kids come out to watch the parents or grandparents swim across the lake.  This year’s winner plans to swim the English Channel next year.  She is on a swim team in Durham, NC.  When I asked her team mates who would come in first among them they all said, “Kim.” She won the entire event almost 100 feet ahead of the 2nd place.  The oldest swimmer is a friend of mine he is 74 and does the swim every year with his ‘much younger wife’ (his words)

My brain seems to have gone on vacation this week.  No matter what I do - write, format stuff for the company web page, or read I have trouble. When I write a story I’ll put something in the first paragraph and then put it in again further into the article. I link things to the wrong files, read the same paragraph over and over in the book I’m reading.  Even changing the hard drive in my computer has become a major event.

My eating has been pretty much on target.  I am down to one full meal and a salad for each day.  Plus a couple 100 calorie snack bags, and two or three fruits in a day.  I even managed to not have a coke all week. My weight seems to be going down again this week I’m at 374, for not eating very much it seems like it should be lower.  

This week I swam twice for about 1 and 1/ 8 miles total.  I am not going today because I didn’t get much sleep last night.  One of smoke alarms beeped off and on all night. It the sounds like it needs a new battery, but we put a fresh one yesterday. So now I’ll try to get some sleep again.

Ya-all have a good week.    

Mentally things continue to be tough. I find it hard to think about completely quitting work.  I don’t know how others make that decision, but for me making money, at any rate, kind of proves I am worth something.  Plus, like most people my age who have lost twice in stock market over the last nine years, it is hard to make it back and feel that comfort of a financial back up. So I keep going one foot in front of the other and hoping that I can make a decision soon.

Still have not been able to learn to the new program and now I have a second one to learn.  It is speech recognition program that allows me to talk and then the machine will do the typing.  I’m looking forward to that.  But first I have to install an new, larger hard drive and that has been a problem so far.  One good thing is that summer is almost over and going to the beach will do me some good.  We wait til the rates go down, although this year it has been more because we don’t like to be at the beach with thousands, probably millions of kids running around, so we stay away until school starts back. The rates have been low all summer.  We get emails every week about a special manager’s deal.  We get them from every beach we have been to in the last ten years.  You all take care and fun.

Been a busy week.  Went to first weight loss group session in Durham.  Good insight on life after the operation.  Really improved my outlook on having the operation.  Talked with four people who have had the bypass all were very pleased and found life after the operation a little difficult at first, but now find it is no trouble at all.  Asked about my coke habit and was told  by all four that I didn’t have to worry, after the operation my body would not want anything sweet.

Talked with Dr. and nutritionist they are both very pleased with my weight loss.  Dr. feels I should just keep losing weight until I stop then they will operate.  He has changed his comments from 350 down to 325 or less if I can lose it.   

Spent the better part of two hours today just trying to find out where the Duke Weight Loss monthly patient support group meeting would be located.  The front of the handout says Durham Regional Hospital, the back has a note by this month’s meeting that says Durham Regional Physical Therapy Dept. the problem is that the department never heard of the meetings. Tried to reach three different people to verify where and all I got was –leave a message.  Finally sent an email and got an answer tonight.

It is so ridiculous that even when I called their billing department to make sure that Medicare and my co- insurer would cover the operation I was told they didn’t know, I would have to check with the doctor.  Problem is his number is to the same office I had been calling and I had to leave a message.   
It is always so difficult to get a hold of any one at the weight loss group, I wonder if this is God’s way of saying “this is not for you.”  I have always believed that when you make a major decision that when it is right there is peacefulness to it.  I have also always believed that God puts obstacles in your way when you shouldn’t do something. 

I consider this problem as an obstacle and after what happened after my last surgery, I really do not have any peace at this time. Maybe I should accept where I am and live with it. Don’t know, can’t say now, but I need to keep thinking. Maybe I’ll go back to reading the bible daily!

My weight has taken a good dip, but I still can’t stay away from the coke.  I’m down to 377, but have been there for two days.  (Just a side note if you weigh yourself after a bowel movement you do weigh less, I proved it.)  I’d to get to 374 by my next doctor’s appointment - ten days away.  That would be a twenty pound loss from the height I had the last time I went.

Have a good week.

I have added my email, upper right, if you would like to get ahold of me.

Summer moves on.  For some reason I want to travel almost every weekend, but can’t seem to get away because I still cover some events for the paper. 

Have done pretty good with my eating regimen.  The dietician wants me to cut back on my late night snacks.  I have done fairly good.  I’ve gone from an average of 5 – 100 cal packs to an average of 2.5, a couple of nights  didn’t eat any snacks.   I have a lot of trouble eating right on Monday and Tuesday.  Even if there is something prepared to just warm up, we are both to tired to warm it up so it’s junk food again.

My weight seemed to have plateau at 391.  I even took a day and had only 500 calories and it still only moved a half pound. I realize how automatic some of my eating is.  When I get a hamburger at Hardees I automatically get a coke.  When I do that same at the pizza place I automatically get French fries because they do the best. 

Hope to try to get back to swimming; I don’t know why it is so difficult for me to get back into it.

Emotions are a funny thing.  Last week I was as excited as anyone could be that we are moving forward, this week I have no feeling about it.  I am disappointed in myself because I have not kept the eating routine I had during my quick weight lose.  I have managed to have my 4 p.m. snack and cut out some of snacks after dinner.  But I have not had the best of meals – I succumbed to I’m in a hurry, so I’ll eat fast food and not worry about what the calories are.

I have to admit that part of my problem is the inability to catch onto two new computer programs that are driving me crazy.  I’m not sure if my age is dimensioning my mental ability or it is just a blip in my learning curve.  Whatever it is it is depressing and takes up plenty of time.  Maybe the light bulb will flash on during the week.

Finally, a decision has been made and a course of action has been recommended for laparoscopic gastric by-pass surgery at Duke.  Last Wednesday was filled with more questions and to be honest many answers did not seem to lead to the direction I finally ended up taking.  The one thing that bothered me the most was the doctor kept talking about how risky the surgery is on a patient of my size and age. 

I finally asked him what he meant by that statement? If he felt it was so high risk why do it.  He answered by saying he only does high risk surgery.  He also told me that the success rate is very high.  He said he felt that by having the surgery I could lead a better life, but there were no guarantees. 

We agreed that the only way he would open me up like they did in the old days was in case it turned into an emergency situation.  We all agreed that was doable.  Now the course of action is to lose as much weight as I can.

In a surprise the nutritionist told me that since I have lost over 20 pounds in the last couple of months I should continue to do what I am doing.  With two exceptions; first I have to keep a record of my grazing each night.  Second, I have to have a snack at 4 p.m. each day.  My eating habits are that most days I don’t have a meal until around noon.  Up until then I have a cracker with peanut butter.

My next meal is between 7 and 9 p.m.  After about 11 p.m. each night I graze on packages of 100 calories items.  Hopes this all works and I hope I am helping someone by writing all this down.

I can honestly say that for the first time since I can remember, at least thirty years, I have energy to do things and am not tired all day.  How long this will last only God knows, but I hope forever.  Within the last thirty days I have had my pressure on my bi-pap sleeping unit changed plus a now take a pill every night that helps me sleep for 4 to 7 hours.  What a difference getting good sleep makes. The amount of energy I have actually shocks me. 

My weight is on the down side again, now below 390 for over a week. I am still struggling to learn a new web site building program, Dreamweaver CS3.  This seems to have me in a stupor, especially CSS. 

My appointment at the weight surgeon is next Wednesday.  I am still anxious as to what he will say. 

That’s if for now.   

My apologies to my younger sister who I told that we never go to Myrtle Beach in the summer time, I lied!  We did this year.  Thank God for a poor economy, it forced the motels where we generally stay to lower their rates drastically.  After my wife and I worked on three publications in a ten day period we needed a rest.  The Avista hotel in North Myrtle Beach gave us an offer that we couldn’t refuse so we spent four days at the beach.  I woke up Sunday paying the price for eating too much and we ended up spending Sunday there also.

I am still loosing weight at the rate of ¾ pound a day (last weekend excluded).  I am not as devoted to having surgery as I was before.  It has been almost a year since I started this project and the most disappoint thing is trying to stay in touch with the surgical team.  I call them but they don’t call me back until I call a third time and tell them it is my third try.  This has happened three times since last September, the only three times I have to get a hold of them. 

After almost dyeing from my kidney and hernia surgery in the 2002, I am very concerned about being able to get in touch with people.  The weight loss surgery will be in Durham about 2+ hours away, in 2002 the surgery was in Baltimore about 2+ hours away.  That is a tough distance to travel when you can hardly move and your temp is over 101.  So, I really am considering what to do.

My appointment for the surgeon is on June 17, hopefully I will have some answers then.  My goal is to be forty pounds lighter than the last time I saw him.

Life goes on, I had two serious bug bites from our trip to our Granddaughters college graduation a few weeks ago.  So I had to be on antibiotics that were not fun for ten days.  All of this stuff has meant I am still not back in the pool, which is what the surgeon will not like.

This week end I plan to spend starting to learn a new web program, I want to be able to put movies on the sight. So I better get some rest.

Stay happy – remember it is up to you how happy you want to be.

Memorial Day weekend is always a busy weekend.  For me it is busy for two reasons, first my mind spends more time on my days in the Corps and in Vietnam. Second is that we have all kinds of events that keep the area, Lake Gaston/Littleton, NC, very busy.  The major event is the Annual Battle of the Barbeque.  Last year a new cooker (that’s what they call the head man of the grill) came to the event.  He brought with him a display of military memorabilia to honor all fallen soldiers.  The team is called Nothin Butt Fun, but he is serious about his recognition of those who given there all. 
This year he is back with a few more items.  Just as importantly we found one more cooker, Minuteman cookers, that has a display of a fallen solder – his son-in-law, Anthony Lachance.  He did not die in battle, but after 20 years in the Army including one tour in Desert Storm, he did die of cancer.  This display is simple but heart felt and memorable for what it means to all of us.

Please take a few moments this holiday Week end and say a prayer for all who have served for all of us.

Click here for photos of displays.

Things are looking up this week.  I had another sleep study done last night.  If was the first time I had a study where I was asleep for more than a few hours.  I know they will have to change the pressure (the amount of air the bi-pap machine forces into me while I’m sleeping).  When I was on the way home I realized that if this works and I am able to sleep all night or at least for 5 or 6 hours during the night, I will definitely eat less, because I won’t be snacking during the night. 

Still losing weight at a good clip.  Down to 388 pounds this week, that makes it 36 pounds off – or as my doctor says, I small kid. My eating routine so far has worked, my target is not eat more than 2,000 calories, but eat what I want.  No very scientific or medically promoted, but it is working for me.  I also try to limit my coke as much as possible, which so far works when I don’t leave the house.

Still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.  It is taking a major effort and a lot of guilt trying just to relax and so called enjoy life.  I never planned for not working.  At least I’m improving my reading.  I read about 400 pages a day from soft cover books.  Problem is I can never remember the titles after I read them so I have to keep charts. 

Did some physical work last week.  Kay and I built a platform for a shed we’ve had in the yard for four years.  Every summer we hire someone to put it up and they never show.  This year we said we will try.  We only have  the roof to go.  I haven’t work in my shop since we moved here, maybe I can figure out a way to get the down the hill and back without feeling like I’m going to die, so I can work in the shop.

May Day – I have very few memories from my days in Catholic School as a very young kid.  May Day is one of those that I remember.  When going to St. Mary Magdalen School in Melvindale, MI they would hold a May Day celebration.  May is Mary’s month and it started with a mini-procession into the small old church.   I remember being at the head of the procession because the nun wanted to keep an eye on me. 

I bring this up because for me it plays a role in my life long eating problem.  Getting attention was important to me. I spent a lot of time trying to figure what good things I could do to be notices.  I was stressing myself out.  I eat when I’m stressed and I eat just to pass the time.  Generally I don’t feel hungry nor do I feel full very often.   I am, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a type A personality, I always have to be accomplishing something or I feel that I am not doing what I should to live.  So I provide my own stress. 

Being noticed seems to take on a more important role while losing weight. I like it when people notice the pounds are gone.  Fortunately for me most people have good manners and don’t say, “Boy have you put the weight back on.” 

Writing this today seems to be a problem for me.  I have so much going on in my head that it does not allow me to focus on any one thing very long.  It is one of those situations that I would normally graze my way out of.  Even grazing is a problem for me now.  It seems my wonderful wife only has the foods I should have in the house.  The exception is the 100 calorie packages of snacks.  Hopefully, there will still be some left tomorrow morning.

I hope I make it through the day without gaining any of the weight I lost.  It is now up to 30 pounds and going south.  Have a nice week.

My latest eating regimen is paying off, to date I have lost 28 pounds. I do my best to stay between two and three thousands calories a day.   Actually I try to stay on the 2,000 end of it.   It generally means I have my biggest food consumption for lunch and then a light dinner.  Breakfast is generally one 3 x 5” cracker, sometimes with peanut butter.  My coke consumption is down considerably.  My water consumption is up to 2-4 20 ounce bottles a day.

Considering last weekend was one of my most stressful weekends in quite some time, I was pleased that I stayed on the routine.  The stress ended last Saturday night when I stepped down from my Editors job at the local weekly paper.  I was anxious for the next couple of days as I put my last edition to bed, but after that it has been an unusual life.  The pressure is not there, but for now it seems like a void in my life.  I’ll still do my weekly column and a few other stories for them. 

As time goes by and I get more rest, I hope to start focusing on improving the Observer web site.

Spent time at the foot doctors for some minor cutting.  Still no word on whether or not I have to have more test before seeing the weight surgeon. 

Have a nice week.

Decisions, decisions my mind spends more time thinking about the plusses and minus of having any type of surgery, especially lap band or gastric by-pass that it is always in a state of flux.  I originally started thinking about the surgery when I viewed myself in a short term nursing home just prior to my death in 8-9 years.  All I saw were bed sores and no one being able to or have the equipment to help a 400 pound person.  The answer was losing weight.

Then the more I thought about it the more it appealed to me just for a better life.  I always felt a certain amount of guilt about how my wife and family must feel when they see me or introduce me to any of their friends.  None have them have ever made me feel anything negative about my weight, but I still wonder.

 I guess it all goes back to when I was kid and saw three bothers sitting outside their service station in a little town called Allen Park, MI.  When I would ride by or see them I would always think, but never said the words, those are the tons of fun guys.  Is it now the time for me to pay the piper.  I know this is not the case but I still apologize to those men in my mind.

What doesn’t help my decision is the knowledge that it is very likely that having the operation will not improve my sleep apnea or change the anount pain from my back.  In both cases I have been told so by surgeons and specialist. 

So as I move forward to see if they will even do any surgery, I keep wondering if I want to take a chance on something I am not sure of or just skip it.  Fortunately no decision has to be made today.

It has not been determined whether I will have lap band surgery or gastric by-pass or both. Both means that they would do the lap band surgery now and then when I have lost a hundred pounds or so they would do the by-pass. 

As I indicated up to now it has been only test.  For three weeks in a row we have travel to Durham.  So far eight blood tests, CTI upper body scan, EKG, chemical stress test, Upper GI.  Unfortunately for me I have not been able to do the specific tests the Surgeon ordered, but they were able to do a substitute test.

Now I’ll be off for a couple of weeks before the appointment with the surgeon to see what is next. 

If you have been following this blog you know it has been a long time since I made an entry.  My last attempt to lose weight was like so many before it.  Takeoff weight and then put it back on.  The last effort saw me lose 92 pounds only to put 72 back on. 

Here I am again in the process of trying to lose weight with a new method in mind.  This time I am preparing to be operated on using the lap band surgery to help in the never ending hope to keep the weight off.  I’ll do my best to keep this blog up to date and keep you informed on all aspects of life before and after surgery.