It is sad that I was able to lose 95 pounds, the first 85 before I started this log, and have not been able to do any more in several months. Rather than continue to beat myself up, I have put it all on hold until the first week of 2008 and then I will do my best to get back at.

Merry Christmas to all and Happy New Year. 

The Christmas season is here.  My goal is to swim at least once a week and try to maintain my present weight. 

I do not have the mental focus to try anything else.  I’m working on my Christmas gift to my family and it is taking more time than I thought. The problem is that it involves looking into my past and I keep getting side tracked enjoying reliving and trying to recall some events.

I noticed that even when I was an active duty Marine 40+ years ago, I was fighting a weight problem.  I have written about my various plateaus of weight, now I am reminded of them.  Seeing myself gradually getting bigger and bigger and I am amazed that mentally I never have looked at myself as fat.

Even today with mirror in bathroom so when I sit on the commode I can see my fat, it doesn’t stick in my mind.  It seems no matter how I try to tell myself I’m fat; I do not want to listen.  Maybe next year I’ll be able to solve this dilemma. 

I’m still stuck, but it’s not all my fault.  At least I’m staying within 3 pounds of where I was at my last plateau.

 Someplace I contacted a bug and almost at the same time my stomach wound got infected again.  My stomach wound is left over from surgery in 2003 when it didn’t heal right and they had to go back in to clean it out.  When it was over they left the wound open to heal from the inside out.  Originally it was about 7” long and 3” deep. It has closed up, but I still have what the surgeon called a second belly button. 

The new one is 5” long and 2” deep, but sealed at the bottom. Problem is when it gets infected, about once or twice a year, I cannot go swimming. I can’t walk without a walker so I don’t exercise. Now it’s just a matter of time before I can go back swimming.  I sure do miss it.

Mentally it is a real battle.  I have already been struggling because after losing 90 pounds I stopped.  That was not surprising to me.   I spent almost ten years at 360 pounds before I slowly put on the 90 pounds.Headed north to Maryland next week for Thanksgiving Day dinner with family so I hope I can still not gain anymore.   

Hope you all have a nice Holiday.

I keep putting off adding to the blog for two reasons.  One is that I know the number of people viewing it is not very high.  The second and probably more real one is that my weight has really stagnated at a 90 pound loss.

My swimming is going okay.  I do go about twice a week for about one mile each time. I am depressed over not being able to get back on the regimen I was on before, but pleased that I have not gone back to eating the way I was when I started this change in eating. Also, I have been sick for one week, and still have not lost any more.

I am proud to say that I have now lost 90 lbs.  Not as much as I would like and certainly not by following the diet as close as I should have, but I have cut back on the amount of everything I eat and I have cut back considerably on coke. So ten months after starting on the eating modification and exercise plan I have gotten myself down to 353 pounds.  

It has surprised me that I have lost any weight the last week or two.  The stress of job, personal problems and computer pains in the ass, would have generally caused me to gain weight.  Not so this time.  I hope I can keep this up.  

The biggest disappoint, has been that even with all the weight I’ve lost my shirt size has not been cut by much. I started out with 24 full size, and now am down to 22 full size. 

On another front, I have managed to continue to swim at least twice a week a minimum of one mile each time. In fact I generally swim at least a mile and a quarter each time.  Even the doctor was impressed with my lung capacity today.  But I wasn’t, I work hard at increasing my lung capacity when I swim. 

This has been a tough week.  The extreme heat and personal news about my wife’s job has made for difficult time for both my diet and exercise.  To be direct, from July 30 to August 8 I had managed to loose another ten pounds that would have made it 89 lbs total weight lost.

Stress and food for me go hand in hand.  Combine this with no swimming, because it was to hot to go out of the house unless necessary, lead to me gaining back 4 pounds. 

Add to this my computer problems and I also had less sleep than usual.  My three to four hour stretches of sleep turned into 1 to 2 hours of sleep at a time. 

My surgical infection area from 2003 got infected again with some type of exotic (my choice of words not a medical term) infection. 

So let me see: 

1. Job problems leads to upset wife, stress
2. Excessive heat lead to no swimming, more stress
3. Computer problems lead to less sleep, more stress
4. Less sleep led to more stress
5. More stress probably helped to cause infection, more stress

I guess I should just be thankful I made it through this tough period – but I’m not.  I’m pissed at myself because I didn’t even try to stay on the eating regimen.  Maybe this week will be better – stay tuned.

To give you a prime example, in case you’ve never built a computer, generally when you buy a part that requires screws or cables they come with it. This is the first time I have ever had to buy the cables and screws for a motherboard and the hard drive. So I purchased an advertised kit for the screws. When it arrived today I found out the kit has enough screws and clips to build ten computers. At the rate I build them that is about a twenty-year supply.

I ordered the parts and paid extra for shipping so I could have this weekend to put it all together. I no sooner got started than I realized one of the parts they sent me does not come with an install guide and the one they have on their web site is not in a format that I can use when it is downloaded. So it was time to call the distributor and get an exchange part. Now it will be at least until Wednesday before I can try again.

The changing my life to get surgery program is stalled on the food side. I did manage to do pretty good on the exercise side of the equation. Monday I did 52 laps in an Olympic size pool. Due to limited time Thursday I did ten and on Friday it was 18.

The mirror in the bathroom is working to a minor degree. I look at myself and say, “boy are you fat,” but I still don’t translate that feeling of looking fat into an action. Monday I hope to get back on a stringent south beach eating routine and jump-start the weight lose.

You would think that with all the weight I have lost so far and all the pool exercise I get that my hip and knee pain would go away. That is not the case but I am getting better at managing it. Especially with the tens unit.

Back to work – I will be writing on the First night of our new Randy Parton Theatre this week.

Independence Day celebrations have come and gone and life moves forward. This last week has been one of major depressor. One of the major depressors came about as a result of a counseling session. We talked about one reason I am having trouble losing any more weight is that I don’t feel I am fat.

This may sound odd, but even though I weigh 360+ pounds when I visualize myself I still see the young Marine looking good. Up until about 1997 my weight seldom interfered with anything I wanted to do. Now I am paying the price for that bad visualization. My wife does not understand this at all.

One way we hope will help me keep in mind that I am fat is by placing a mirror in my bathroom opposite the commode so I see my fat at least once a day. The original plan was to have one on the wall, but I can’t stand up long enough to make any real impression.

So far looking at myself every day hasn’t caused any major mental changes, but at least it is now obvious to me each.

Hope this helps someone who’s trying to change.

My column last week was on Sam, sadly he passed last week. It was a shock to me becuase although he was sick he looked good and talked positive. Sam is one of those people who will leave a hole in so many lives that may never be filled. He was the type of man you know for only minutes in your life that will be remembered for hours in the future. May God grant eternal rest for Sam.

Life goes on and I am stalled in my efforts. I have much to say , but my computer is pulling one it's semi-annul go-to-hell-I-don't-want-to-work periods. Will be back at it as soon as I get going again.

Saturday we will be heading to the Littleton, NC parade. This is like the good old fashion small town parades with a lot of kids on bikes, clowns the local veterans, Boy Scout, churches, business, classic cars, and horses bringing up the rear. Then if my energy still holds up we’ll head out to see the fireworks. One of our local volunteer fire departments sponsors the annual show and it is widely viewed as one of the best.

My eating regimen took a back seat again. Fortunately I have learned enough about what not to do that I don’t go overboard, but I haven’t lost much more either. My swimming also took a back seat this week. Last week I swam one, on Friday, for one and a quarter miles. My weight has stabilized for to long.

Coke continues to be my downfall. At least I only buy one bottle at a time, so I don’t tend to over do it as much as I used to. Hope to jump start the process this Sunday and stay on it for at least a couple of weeks.

Hope you all have a good holiday week.

This has been a tough week. I got involved with work and let my health go. No swimming so far and I’m back above 360 by a few pounds. Hopefully I’ll seem tomorrow.
I’m faced with my continually problem about weight, not being able to stay completely on an eating regimen that is good for me.

It does get to me but not enough to put me back on track.