For the last seven years this holiday has had a double meaning for me. It is a day when I like many Americans will pay proper recognition for all those men and women who paid with their life so that I can live in a country where freedom is the normal way of life.  Just as important to me during the Memorial Day weekend is the remembering that it is when our daughter (my wife’s daughter) Robin was killed in an auto accident.

For years I have heard people talk about closure in situations similar to this.  I do not feel any closure of any type.  Each year is just as difficult as the previous year.  To watch my wife go through the agony she does every May is always difficult.  Considering this is the month Robin was born and this is the month she died makes it that much more difficult a month. The older we get the more it seems to bother both of us.   

There are happy memories of Memorial Day.  I remember the parades in Melvindale Michigan.  Watching my sister and brother in local parades is always a fun memory.  Standing by the Mel Theatre and waving at the servicemen go by.  I remember when I was teenager how cool I felt I standing there in my all white bermuda shorts, shirt and socks.  Knowing me I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if one of my hundreds of brothers and sisters reminded me that I also whore white bucs.

The back yard barbeques as a kid where always fun.  They always ended with my mother burning her marshmallows and wondering why I didn’t like mine that way. 

Today we will have a picnic meal inside.  My memories will be on so many things this day, but they will always go back to the men I served with in Vietnam and those that did not make it back.  Some I knew, most I did not, all gave their lives for freedom.   

What started out as a once a week blog, has really turned into once a month.  Hopefully I’ll get back to once a week some day.

I’ve failed at loosing weight once again.  I lost about 90 lbs and put back on 40 all in one year.  My swimming has slowed to once or twice a month.  All this just so I can be the editor of a weekly newspaper.

My sleep problems continue to depress me.  After such good results from my latest sleep test there seems to be a minimum upside to it all.  That is that my foot no longer feels cold or stays in pain while I sleep.

The doctor put me on a regimen of pills one to keep me awake all day the other to put me to sleep each.  He hopes that after 3- 6 months my body will reverse a life time of lousy sleep. 

I tried the free samples without much success.  I decided to get the prescription anyway.  Shocked and changed my mind when I found out one will cost $328.00 a month with no insurance coverage for this med.  

This is the one that is supposed to keep me awake all day to force me to sleep only at night.  The lady at the pharmacy told my wife, he really shouldn’t need this pill, just tell him to stay up.  My wife laughed away.  Like if it was that easy I would have it years ago.

The sad part for me is that I find it even more difficult to remember things.  I spend more time making sure of definitions of words when I write and verifying fact that I have known for years. 

Stay tuned for more adventures.

Easter Saturday has come quickly this leap year.  It is beautiful here in NC unlike many other parts f the country. Even thought the weather is beautiful, I suffer from a head cold. 

My battle to get better sleep continues.  I have had to try a full face bipap mask, but was not successful.  Now I have rigged up a chin harness to try to keep my mouth shut, my family always said that was a problem I have.  The new homemade harness seems to work the best, but it is still a struggle to get good sleep.

The political issue of the week is basically does sitting in a pew in a church for twenty-years and becoming a close friend with your minister impact on how you think.

It is easy to say birds of a feather, but that as everyone knows is not always the case.  Some people hang onto certain relationships in spite of what the person is like.  They do this because there are other areas of the relationship that they can benefit from in a positive way.  I have no problem understanding this. 

What I have problems with is hypocrisy. When Obama felt that Geraldine Ferraro should be cut from the Clinton campaign, then he should also cut his minister.  When Obama felt that Clinton was not being entirely truthful, then he should come out and say he misspoke when he said he was never in a pew when his minister made disparaging remarks, instead of hiding the comment in such a great speech. 

He is such a good orator that he often reminds me of a good illusionist.  By expressing one point he hopes to make you forget about another.  It is disheartening that both Obama wife and his minister have made public statements about their dislike of America or some Americans.

I am forced to go back to what I said during the Democratic convention when I first heard Obama speak.  I turned to my wife and said he will be president some day.  When he announced his run for the presidency I once again turned to my wife and said this is too quick.  He needs more experience.       

Talk about a rough week and half.  The sleep clinic called me on Monday (Feb 25) and scheduled a test for Wednesday night.  After it was all over on Thursday Morning I found out that although I had lost the weight, unlike most people, my positive air pressure (the PAP part of CPAP) went up. 

The partial results showed that in my approximately three and half hours of sleeping (actually 216 minutes) I had 340 sleep disruptions. That is one disruption for every 2/3 of a minute sleeping.  I had 278 episodes where I stopped breathing.  Thirty seven of those were over 10 seconds.  I had no REM sleep periods. 

The nurse and I were both surprised.  For most people the more weight they lose the lower the pressure goes.  In some cases they have lost enough weight to go off the machine. 

Not me, mine almost doubled.  It went from 12cm to 21cm.  This also required that I change machine from a CPAP to BIPAP, Bi pressure.  The long and the short of it is that the machine is set to 21cm pressure breathing in and only 17cm of pressure to breathe out.  The outward pressure is lower to allow me to breathe out.

Even after the pressures were set for the new machine the report shows that I slept Just a little over three hours (186 minutes).  I was able to get one half hour of REM sleep.  I still had 130 sleep disruptions.  But I only had 36 episodes where I stopped breathing.

Friday afternoon I was sitting in the offices of Eagle Home Medical with their nurse Kay to be instructed on how to use the new BiPAP machine.  This was by far the most informative instructions I have ever had on sleep apnea and the use of a PAP machine.  It was the first time that I knew that sleep apnea is hereditary from the male side of the family.

Tried the new unit on Friday night and continued to use it the rest of the weekend.  This was a lot more difficult machine to get used to than the CPAP was.  The major problem for me is that I use only a nose mask, and my mouth got so dry that it woke me up. Plus the nose mask kept digging into the bottom of my nose.  I solved the nose mask problem by readjusting it several times.  I am still trying to solve the dry mouth problem.  

To overcome this we bought a room humidifier, this was recommended by the literature.  After the humidifier was setup the dryness decreased but not enough to prevent the dry mouth from waking me up, it just was not as severe. 

This is now four days later and the problem has not gone away.  I will be going back in for a new full face mask next week.  To be fair she wanted to use a full face to begin with, but I resisted.  For now my sleep is much like it has always been, disruptive.  The nurse told me it could take up to three to four weeks for me to feel the effects of the new pressures. 

My waking periods are better.  They allow me to focus longer than I could, but are still talking about only a couple of hours not all day.  We’ll see what happens next.

Just so you don’t think I have forgotten, Hillary did win three this week.  Obama still reminds me of a lot of sales people I have hired over the years.  They knew the right things to say to get the job, but could never do the job.  They had the instant comebacks no matter what the questions were.

I guess I am slanted about sales person being president with virtually no time on the national scene.  Change is almost always good; change with virtually no experience always leads to longer learning curve at the very least.

Time moves on.  My sleeping is such a disaster that I had a new sleep test run.

Not only is sleeping a problem, when I am awake my memory is shot.  It is more than just old age, it is like my mind is never on one track.

You would think being able to go into a hospital and sleep all night would be a breeze.  You have a private room that is always away from the usual hospital activity.  Problem is they have twenty or more wires hooked up to you.

I prepared for the test by getting up earlier than usual and not taking a nap all day.  I also restricted my cokes after lunch. I was extremely tired when arrived at the hospital for the test.  

The nurse was great; she had the same sense of humor as I do.  The wires go all over your body.  They have sensors on your legs, chest and all over your head.  They even hook up a microphone to your throat to listen for snoring.

It took another hour to get ready for me to go to sleep.  I knew I would have no trouble sleeping.  Within minutes of hitting the pillow, I brought my own from home, I was asleep.  Then just like at home within minutes I was wide awake. 

With all those wires you couldn’t get up or move off the bed.  So I kept trying to go back to sleep.  I had a couple of brief periods of sleep.  Just like I was at home it was hours before I had any good sleep. The last time I checked the time it was 2:30 a.m. then at 5 a.m. they woke me up to get ready to leave. 

The first thing the nurse said was I would be back to get fitted for another CPAP (sleeping) machine.   Don’t know when this will happen, but I look forward to being able to sleep better than I have and not have so much trouble thinking.    

And the battle goes on.  I have taken on a little more responsibility, but I look forward to it.  My weight is in limbo, my swimming is down to a mile or so a week, but still there. 

The real pressure is in following the presidential primaries.  Hillary is still in the race, but it is getting tougher.  Obama seems to be a good man but he is still a man at a time when a woman should be taking over the reigns.

I am reminded of when I used to hire sales people or managers with only a couple of years experience.  They had enthusiasm.  They had confidence.  They could present a great case as to why I should hire the.   But in the end they also had a learning curve that was far greater than what even they thought it would be. 

Obama talks about wanting to be right before he makes decisions.  If you have ever been in a position to make decision that impacts on others, you know that you can’t always insure you will be right.  Sometimes you just gather all the facts and do the best you can.  I know of many business people who always wanted to be right and in the end did nothing. 

I love to say successful people make things happen.  Successful people also adapt as they go forward, because they know that few decisions into new territory are completely right from the onset of the decision.

There is nothing wrong with change, but we should have change with experience. Hillary has the best experience between her and Obama, she also has the best council anyone could have.